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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29215119">press y to honk</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/altoverse/pseuds/altoverse'>altoverse</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Final Fantasy XIV</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Comedy, Female Azem, Geese, Gen, a lot of geese, azem would absolutely cause this type of goose flavored chaos and i am Here for it, gender neutral hyth, no beta we die like men, press y to cause untold chaos, tired emet</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 06:49:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>771</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29215119</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/altoverse/pseuds/altoverse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>(5.0/5.3 spoilers)</p><p>Azem submits a city defense based concept. It goes about as well as expected (which is to say, horribly)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>press y to honk</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"You <em> knew. </em>" Emet-Selch jabbed an accusatory finger at him, hair frazzled from the static of his hood. </p><p>Hythlodaeus hummed in greeting, not bothering to look up from the pile of paperwork on their desk. "Hello, dear friend. You do know I don't mind you visiting the more conventional way, do you not?" </p><p>"Not when you lock yourself behind several layers of doors and tell your underlings that you won't be accepting visitors," the Architect nearly growled, clambering over Hythlodaeus' windowsill into his office. "You did this on <em> purpose </em>." </p><p>"I'm a busy man, Emet-Selch, as you undoubtedly are too. A little too busy to be climbing twenty stories into my office, I would hazard." Their words would have conveyed a great sense of annoyance and disdain if they were coming from anyone else - but this was the eternally jovial Hythlodaeus, who never let their work or their friends sour their mood. This was meant to placate (but more probably to annoy) their friend, who seemed ready to rip off his mask and throw it at the wall. </p><p>"Stop playing coy with me." Emet-Selch huffed frustratedly, slumping into one of the chairs across from Hythlodaeus. "This is about Azem's new concept, and we both know it." </p><p>"Ah, that." Hythlodaeus visibly lit up at the mention of Azem, but still did not look up from the document they were busily perusing. "She rarely submits concepts to the Bureau, does she not? The occurrence was such a novelty that I reviewed it myself." </p><p>"So you <em> do </em> know what I'm talking about!" Emet-Selch leaned forward threateningly, slamming a palm onto the desk. "Then tell me, why in the name of the stars did you think that concept was a good idea at all?!" </p><p>"I'm sure I don't know the specifics of what you mean," Hythlodaeus deadpanned, but a grin was creeping its way onto their face. </p><p> </p><p>"Then I will explain it to you." Emet-Selch made a big show of counting on his fingers. "Whether this was before or after Azem's concept made its way to your desk, you knew she was planning to create chocobo-sized geese. For <em> city defense. </em>" </p><p>"Mhm." Hythlodaeus seemed unfazed. "We <em> have </em>had an alfalfa goobbue problem recently, and geese are rather fond of eating the creatures. They are quite small." </p><p>"Geese are also barely manageable even at their normal size!" Emet-Selch ticked off another finger. "A whole horde of them, standing eight feet tall? The poor shepherds stood no chance, and they were in fact overrun in a matter of minutes." </p><p>"Well, I admit that I may have underestimated the raw power of a goose," Hythlodaeus mused, raising a thoughtful hand to their chin even as the other busily scribbled away on some sort of form. "But there was already a sizable horde of goobbues just outside the city gates, and last I heard the geese were successfully unleashed on them." </p><p>"That's not the problem, Hyth," Emet-Selch continued, but his stern facade was beginning to crack. "The problem is what happened after all the geese realized that their snacks were gone. So what did they do, in all their infinite birdy wisdom?" He threw his hands up in the air, letting them thump onto the desk. "They headed straight into the city to look for their next meal." </p><p>Hythlodaeus set down their quill. "I definitely have underestimated the raw power of a goose." They paused, tilting their head to the side in thought. "I don't suppose you have any backup plans, do you?" </p><p>Emet-Selch sighed frustratedly, rubbing their temple in an effort to stay calm. "So you went into this knowing that we had no contingency plan should the geese get out of hand."</p><p>"I wouldn't put it like that, but... essentially, yes." </p><p>"And knowing that this would most undoubtedly cause chaos of untold proportions in the city, you approved this concept anyway." </p><p>Hythlodaeus finally looked up and met Emet-Selch's gaze, the most innocent of smiles on their face. "And?" </p><p> </p><p>A loud <em> honk </em> and several panicked screams from the street below interrupted their conversation. </p><p>Hythlodaeus chuckled sheepishly. "Well, it seems your question has been answered, dear friend." </p><p>Emet-Selch rose to his feet, chair toppling over behind him. "Bureau be damned..." he muttered, mostly to himself. "Well. If you won't help me deal with these overgrown geese now, rest assured you will be dealing with the <em> bureaucratic </em> fallout. Have a good day, Hyth." With that, he stomped toward the door of Hythlodaeus' office and all but ripped it off the hinges in his frustration. </p><p> </p><p>Hythlodaeus could swear they heard a barely-stifled snort of laughter from the corridor right before the door slammed closed. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <s>right after emet leaves one of the errant geese crashes through hyth's office window, killing him instantly</s>
</p><p>join <a href="https://discord.gg/enabling-debauched-xivfic">bookclub discord</a> bla bla sometimes when you ping emet bot he will explicitly tell you he's sleeping instead of ponging back</p></blockquote></div></div>
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